Haunt Me Again
by midnight-me
Summary: I'd always thought of myself as the 'favorite child'. But when Lily got her letter, I was suddenly lost in the background. What brought Petunia to hate Lily and Harry? [One Shot]


As I collected the post that Tuesday morning, I had no idea how much one letter would change my life.

It wasn't even my letter. It was addressed to Lily. I couldn't stop staring at it as I sorted through the mail while I walked back to the kitchen where the rest of the family was eating breakfast. I'd never seen anything like it; thick, yellow paper with the address written neatly in green ink and a red wax seal to hold it shut.

I'll never forget that morning. Handing Lily the strange letter, eager to watch her open it and find out what it was. And then when Lily discovered she was different from the rest of our family.

My parents were both so pleased. Proud that there was a witch in the family. Someone with a gift, as my mother called it. Lily was special, Lily was unique, Lily was suddenly better than me.

Up until that point, I'd always considered myself the 'favorite child'. I made better grades. I was more polite and graceful. I could play the piano, the violin, and sing, while Lily couldn't even carry a tune. I could easily please my parents. But suddenly, their attention shifted to Lily, and I was forgotten. I was just plain and ordinary, and Lily was different.

For the rest of that week, I'd get the post every morning, quickly searching through it to see if there was a letter for me. I knew it wasn't likely, but I couldn't help but feel just some hope that i _maybe /i _ another letter was on its way. That I still had a chance of winning my parents' love and attention back. But by the end of the week, I'd lost hope. Nothing was coming. I stayed in my room all day and sobbed into my pillow, hating how unfair it was.

For the next few weeks, all Lily talked about was Hogwarts. How excited she was. How nervous she was. How great she knew it would be. I couldn't stand to listen to her talk about it. I couldn't take her excitement and enthusiasm. Sometimes it made me angry. i _How /i _could she be so insensitive? She knew I hadn't gotten a letter! Why did she have to rub it in? Other days I felt upset. How could Lily just go off and leave everything behind? And how could my parents be i _proud /i _ of her for it? Instead, I just forced myself to be happy for her.

I didn't go with my parents as they took Lily to the train station on the first of September. I couldn't watch Lily go off to become something special while I remained behind. Lily tried to get me to come, but I refused. So Lily hugged me goodbye and promised to write. After she left, I started crying again.

Lily did keep her promise and wrote to us. The letters were frequent at first; one or two a week telling us about the castle and ghosts and broomsticks and spells. Lily was living a life I could only dream about. It was heartbreaking to read another letter about a new spell she learned or a game played on flying broomsticks or how great Hogwarts was. But at least Lily was gone.

Before the letter, we had gotten along really well. Being the shy one, I'd never had many friends at school, but Lily was outgoing, and always helped me meet new friends.

But after she left, I was on my own. That is, until she came home for the holidays.

I didn't know whether to look forward to it or dread it. I was going to see Lily again, and I had missed her. But I'd also have to hear about how great Hogwarts was, which I was getting truly sick of.

When she got home, she immediately ran over to me and threw her arms around me, telling me how much she'd missed me, and how she had so much to tell me. I gave her a big smile, but I felt the same flicker of jealousy I'd felt when she'd gotten her letter.

The whole time she was home, it was Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts. She had a million stories to tell, while I had nothing. We spent hours listening to her gush about how wonderful it was, a dream come true.

When we opened gifts on Christmas morning, Lily opened the nice pen I'd given her and chuckled. "Well, it won't be much use to me at Hogwarts, but I'll keep it on my desk here." When I opened the gift she gave me, it turned out to be some kind of magical candy called Chocolate Frogs. I smiled and thanked Lily, but I threw them away later. She hadn't wanted my gift, and I hadn't wanted hers. I had decided I didn't want anything to do with her stupid school and her new life.

Time passed, and Lily became even more distant. The letters became less frequent, and she even spent Christmas at Hogwarts a couple of times. Even when she came home for the summer holidays, she would leave and visit her friends for a week or two. Lily was moving away from her old world and growing into her new one.

I, too, had somewhat moved on. But that same wave of envy came back when Lily did bother to write a letter to me about her wonderful new life. The worst part was no one could understand how I was feeling. My parents were way too delighted with Lily to notice me anymore. I couldn't tell anyone that Lily really was at a magical school. I had to deal with my jealousy in private with no one to confess my feelings to. That is, until I met Vernon.

I was seventeen when I met him. I felt so trusting and relieved. He was finally someone I could confide in and talk to. I divulged to him and even let on about Lily's secret. I didn't exactly tell him she was a witch, but I made it clear that she was 'different'. Vernon was so understanding and sympathetic. He was finally someone who loved me and not Lily.

I finally felt like I had something Lily didn't have; a boyfriend who truly cared about me and loved me. Lily had never mentioned anything about having a serious boyfriend. Vernon took my side and defended me. He told me I was better than my sister, and for once I felt special. After dating for one year, Vernon asked me to marry him, and I accepted.

Vernon and I were planning to share the news during Christmastime at my parents' house. But at the last minute, Vernon's sister Marge had broken her leg after tripping over one of her many dogs. Vernon stayed with her, while I went home by myself.

I knew Lily was coming home from school for Christmas (Being a year older, I was already done with school). She would have many stories to tell, but this time I could upstage Lily by announcing my engagement. This time, I would be the centre of attention.

No one was more surprised than I was when Lily brought James home for the Christmas break. My parents loved him. He was charming, intelligent, handsome, and witty. Basically, everything Vernon wasn't. James entertained and amused everyone. The whole family loved him. Even after I announced the news that Vernon and I were getting married, the focus was still on James and Lily.

Oh, they'd acted happy, of course. Lily hugged me and told me how happy she was for me. My parents said it was wonderful news. James smiled and told me congratulations. But soon, once again, the spotlight was back on my sister…just as it had been since she'd gotten that letter.

I remember feeling so hurt that night. No matter what I did, all they cared about was Lily, just the way they had the day she'd gotten that letter. And suddenly, I felt such hatred towards Lily. She left to live this amazing life and had so many wonderful opportunities. Everyone loved her so much. She was always in the centre, while I was standing on the side. I cried myself to sleep that night, feeling jealous of Lily and sorry for myself.

I planned the wedding for the end of May, knowing Lily would not be able to attend, due to school. I didn't want her in my life anymore. She made me feel awful. Every time I was around her all I felt was jealousy and anger. I was done trying to hold back my feelings. Instead, I chose to ignore Lily.

About a month after Vernon and I married, Lily contacted me saying she had exciting news and asked to meet me for coffee. After she kept asking, I reluctantly agreed. I didn't want to go, but I felt I had no choice.

I met Lily at a local café. When I walked inside, I spotted her instantly. She saw me too, and waved me over, grinning. I sat down at the small table, wondering what this could possibly be about.

She told me she was engaged to James and wanted me to be in her wedding. I sat there, stunned, wondering what to say. Lily was smiling, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. I felt the tears fill my eyes, just as they had so many times before in the privacy of my bedroom. This time, I just let them fall. I couldn't watch Lily on her wedding day, looking so perfect and everyone watching her, amazed. I couldn't stand to her side, seeing her get married to the wonderful James. I couldn't look down on my parents as they focused their attention on Lily, feeling so proud, just as they always had.

Lily mistook my tears of sadness for tears of joy, and gave me a hug. But this time, I pushed her away. I'll never forget her face as I muttered 'Sorry, I can't.' and walked out of the café. That hurt expression, the same one I'd had for so many years around her. The same rejected feeling, the one I'd held inside of me for so long.

Lily tried to contact me, but I couldn't talk to her. I shut her out of my life, convincing myself it was for the better.

From then on, we kept our distance. We both became busy with our own lives. I had my first son, Dudley, whom I loved very much. Lily also had a baby not long after I did. But no matter how busy we got, she still wrote to me occasionally. She still loved me, even after I turned my back on her. But I couldn't go back to her. Not after all that had happened and everything I'd been through.

The last time I saw her was at our parents' wake. They had died in a car accident, leaving Lily and I devastated. I'll never forget the way Lily looked at me with some hope that maybe I would come back to her and we could get through this together. She tried to speak to me, but I wouldn't even look her in the eye. Before she left, she gave me one last pleading look, a single tear streaming down her face. i _Petunia, we lost our parents, I don't want to lose you too! Please… /i _

When I got the news that she had been murdered, I felt a mixture of emotions; shock, grief, sorrow, but also a bit of relief. Now I could just live my life without my sister there reminding me of how I wasn't good enough. Even though I'd lost her so long ago, she was truly gone now.

But the day I opened the door to see her son on my doorstep, every horrible memory I'd had of her was back to haunt me again.


End file.
